i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George