ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.