I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.