When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.