Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
