I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me