he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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