I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
