this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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