is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
