i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
