there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
