YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
