and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
