I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
