I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
