Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
