I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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