I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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