Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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