just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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