Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
