I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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