Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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