my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize