he shaved USA in his pubs
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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