im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
