yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
