why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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