I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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