You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
