When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
