I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
