girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
