i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
