Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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