drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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