When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize