2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
