Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
