You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
