Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
