i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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