Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
