I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
