Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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