im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
