I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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