I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize