I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
