I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
