Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
