Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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