y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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