I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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