I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
