Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
