Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize