so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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