Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
