We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just blew my weed a kiss
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
