I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
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It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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