fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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