She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
