Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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