I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize