hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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