He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line