I'm going to rape someone's good day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
